The Singular Parent » Archive
how to get kids to listen
Probably the most common question I am asked is “How do I get my children to listen to me?” This is actually a 2 part question, because what most people really mean is, how do I get my children to listen and do what I say. I am not usually fan of “10 easy steps” approaches that oversimplify parent-child interactions, but there are in fact some simple steps that make a difference in getting young children to listen to you, and to listen in a way that they are more likely to then do what you say. 1. Make eye contact. Crouch down to be on a level with your children, and talk to them, not at them. 2. Keep it brief and clear. No lengthy explanations, and make sure you are … Read entire article »
Filed under: childrearing, positive discipline
setting boundaries
Good fences make good neighbors. A relationship isn’t so much about fences as about connection, and yet, the ability to set boundaries can help a relationship. We want others to respect our boundaries, but sometimes we haven’t made those boundaries clear. Sometimes we aren’t sure ourselves until we feel those boundaries have been breached. At that point we can respond with anger or with clarity. If a clearly set boundary is still disregarded, then it is time to make some choices. Harriet Lerner does an excellent job of discussing this in The Dance of Intimacy. But to be able to be clear with another person, you must first be clear within yourself. What is it you want? What are you not willing to put up with? This … Read entire article »
Filed under: relationships and communication
date night
In today’s fast paced world spending time with family has become a task that we need to set aside time for; hence, “date night”, the night that couples take to spend time with each other away from the children. Between our jobs and our responsibilities to our children, it can be easy to forget to take the time to connect as a couple, and if we do not set aside a specific time, it will not happen. I am going to propose another obligation to add to our busy schedules: date night with the kids. How much of your time with your children is spent just having fun with them, doing things you ALL enjoy? If you don’t already, can you set aside some time to thoroughly enjoy yourself with your children? Having fun together goes a … Read entire article »
Filed under: Uncategorized
divorce times 2
Say you get married, you have children, and you get divorced. Most people are going to be concerned about these children. Most people understand that it is best for the children to continue to have a strong relationship with both parents. Now say you get married to someone who already has children, and then get divorced. What now? They are not “your” children, so it doesn’t much matter, does it? Or does it? In many cases, a step-parent becomes a real parent figure, sometimes the only father or mother that the child remembers. Sometimes the former step-parent feels like a parent, and wishes to continue to see the children, but doesn’t feel right continuing contact with the ex – after all it’s not as though they had a child together. Sometimes a new spouse … Read entire article »
Filed under: being a parent, children and divorce, divorce and seperation
how divorce affects children
Filed under: childrearing, children and divorce, divorce and seperation, Uncategorized
sleep training and independence
For more thoughts on sleep training, you might want to read Go Ahead, Sleep With Your Child by Robert Wright. I think we in the US are pretty ambivalent about independence. It’s worth noting that there is little evidence supporting the link between sleep training and long-term independence. … Read entire article »
Filed under: being a parent, childrearing
consequences and punishment
One of the differences between logical consequences and behavior modification is that the consequence does not have to be unpleasant. It’s OK if they like cleaning up walls. They are still getting experiential reinforcement of the rule. … Read entire article »
Filed under: childrearing, positive discipline
the Brady Bunch
It occurred to me that people in my generation grew up with a step-family. Many of us felt very familiar with the Brady’s. The prefix “step” was never used on the show, nor were any other similar terms (“blended family” hadn’t yet come into use.) The parents were simply Mom and Dad. The kids were each others’ brothers and sisters. The parents of course were widowed. There were no other parents or stepparents to deal with. The only time the dead parents are even mentioned was briefly in the pilot episode. The family blended seamlessly almost from the very beginning. A blended family could make it to primetime and become iconic, but to some extent the reality of it had to be swept under the rug. I was thinking of this when someone recently mentioned how much the … Read entire article »
Filed under: Uncategorized
a single mom’s pet peeves
http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/advice/a-single-mothers-pet-peeves/2011/02/11/gIQAyjBmkK_story.html … Read entire article »
Filed under: single parents, Uncategorized